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2/9/13

Not All Gay Men Are Artistic (but some really do have tailors named Antoine.)

I don't have a husband or a brother so I make up for that by having a gay couple as part of my inner circle of friends. (for non sex related needs by the way. Not that I would have sex with my brother if I had one, sex would only be with the husband... I'm sure you got that without my explanation but there it is. Just in case.) Jeff and Travis carry heavy things for me, they build things for me and they listen to me whine over a Bloody Mary when I'm lonely or stressed. They help me when I need to negotiate at the VW dealership or when a mechanic is trying to screw me. (in non sex related ways by the way - if a hot mechanic is trying to screw me in sex related ways they whip out their pompoms and cheer.*) They show up at my art shows, listen to me ramble about cute kids and help me when I have family emergencies.  They even make me beautiful birthday cakes:

Not all gay men are artistic.
My 2009 birthday cake: handmade and decorated by Travis.
(Happy Birthday Cami Applequist was too many letters.)


Jeff is having a birthday tomorrow. Although I love him dearly, I usually don't get him a gift for his birthday. Nor do I for Travis since they both tend to like things out way of my price range. They drive a BMW, own tuxedos tailored and delivered by a man named Antoine** and wear Prada flip flops. (Even though I saw these in real life and have photographic proof, I still didn't believe it so that's a link to Saks with cyber proof.) I simply never know what to get them that would be within my budget of $25 so I just give them hugs.

This year, facebook and their affiliates tried to change that. I received several suggestions of what Jeff might like. Here are a couple of screenshots:


Shoelaces for Trendsetters and Beermo! 
"Let Jeff Choose a Color"


Jeff is definitely sort of a trendsetter, he loves to choose colors and he may want to never tie his shoes again but I still don't think the laces are for him. (unless they come in Prada, in which case I probably can't afford them anyway, so never mind.) He also may want to put down his mimosa and have a good ol' bottle of Bud Light sporting a mustache now and again but twelve dollars for something I can make for fifteen cents seems unreasonable. So, sorry facebook. Your advertising efforts failed with me, but thanks for the blog material.


I did almost buy something for him today though. I saw this from about 10 feet away and thought, 'Now there's a game Jeff and Travis might like to play: Butt Checkers!'


 Then an instant later I realized that it says Button Checkers. Totally not as fun. So Jeff gets a hug again.





*Travis and Jeff don't really have pompoms. None that I have seen anyway.

** That had to be in italics. I just learned this morning at breakfast that that their tuxedo tailor's name is Antoine  when Travis said "We have to get home soon - Antoine is delivering my tuxedo today." I repeated it several times in an italicized voice. "...because Antoine is delivering my tuxedo today." You can't just say Antoine. You have to say Antoine.





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